I have small children, so like many new parents I worry endlessly about what I'm feeding them, how I'm disciplining them, whether they'll be successful at something, anything, if they'll be happy or stilll moaning incessantly when they're eighteen like they do some days now at aged four. I'm not sure if its more a female past time, beating ourselves up trying to get everything right; or if its a social pressure we face more so these days than in previous eras. Parenting and worrying often go together but what's a healthy amount of concern, and what is beyond our control? What is too much pressure?
Two things come to mind, one was a documentary about twins that I watched. They studied them to see if they made decisions the same and turned out the same. It was interesting that twins who had been raised apart in different homes often ended up remarkably similar, despite different socialising and environmental factors. Things as minute as a mole on the face even appeared in the same place on the face of twin adults, regardless of sun exposure etc. This got me thinking that maybe our daily worrying and fusing over things has really not much effect in the long run.
Another article I read the other day was by a woman whose children had survived her raising them and were now adults in the world doing their own thing. She said some were successful, some weren't. But she felt satisfied she had done the best she could working and raising them, juggling all the pressures we face. Whilst many friends she had who had been full time stay at home mums were experiencing bitterness and resentment at their grown kids who were out in the world making a bungled up mess of their lives, because these women believed that by investing so much personal time and energy, then their children should end up being more successful and well adjusted, purely because they had such devoted parenting.
All this leaves me wondering if we just followed our maternal instincts more and compared less to one another, we'd feel content with our role, and tackle more in our personal lives. For a lot of what we do it seems to me, is feel guilty that our children will suffer as a result of our choices, rather than just being an example of a unapologetic strong healthy capable female. Maybe my little savages will be scarred by some of my imperfect upbringing, that seems good at the time, but hopefully I will have raised them so they feel they can work through issues and push past obstacles, making the best of the gifts they have. I hope I don't end up blaming them for squashed dreams or missed opportunites, but rather in years to come as they grow more independent, I risk having a go at some great new challenges and show them I have lots of abilities as a mum, juggling things, and teaching them about sacrifice, adjustments and sharing responsibilty.
"I'm a woman hear me roar!"....ooh I've gotten on my soapbox today.....if we feel such pressure to produce success in our offspring how must it make our kids feel? Should we ease up on perfection and spend more time laughing? More ethics, less success?
Supermum - something I mastered in my spare time...
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