I like this comedian...go on... have a chuckle

Saw Zoe Lyons at civic theatre newcastle last week. Thought others might need some lightening up....

Hope ya enjoy.

Watch "Dave's One Night Stand - Zoe Lyons" on YouTube

Are feminists scared of monsters in the dark?

In the past few weeks I have begun wondering about the future for women in this country. Sounds deep but it really just comes from trying to raise my two children, a girl and boy in a manner that provides them with equal oportunties and outlooks. So on one hand we have a female prime minister who is making gender speeches in government, brave, but probably not my main concern as a wife, mother and employee, as I hear lots of people in my area are losing jobs, closing businesses and downsizing investments etc. You see, I'd love us to have a great female  running our country, but I'd equally love a great male running it. I  like to think I am an activist for womens rights merely by the way I live, the choices I make and the way I speak. But for some reason I don't feel my decision about who runs this country in the upcoming election is a case of me choosing womens rights over mens rights.

On the other hand I am absolutely disgusted that women in our country cannot feel safe walking home from the pub after a few drinks because some crazed sex fiend is on the prowl despite already raping a disgustingly huge number of female victims and is known to authorities. A recent ABC article i just read about a high profile murder in melbourne enraged me, and makes me worry for my daughter as she grows up. She is currently happy, relatively fearless, innocent and confident.  This will probably change as she grows and I have to teach her to be fearful, untrusting, and nervous, because our authorities cannot protect her from monsters that roam our suburbs seeking victims. Its ironic, because last week I finished having a discussion with her when she was afraid to go to sleep and I quote what I said: "don't be silly, there's no such thing as monsters, they're not real darling...". Hmmm, so when do I tell her that she needs to never go out alone and to watch her back because there are monsters out there?

Mr Xtreme strikes again....

My husband is a funny man. He goes full hammer all day long from one project to the next at the speed of lightning. People have called him Mr Xtreme.
He is a passionate, physical man who goes a million miles an hour on a slow day. Even after sustaining a quite a bad physical injury which has left him with a significant disability he still achieves more than me on a good day.The result of marrying a high achiever is that lots of stuff gets done around the place, but you rarely have down time. They also expect you to achieve grand things whilst they've been at work, and anyone with two small kids at home knows you achieve stuff-all most of the time, or they make it look like you did nothing all day, as the place is in a constant state of disarray!

Another problem with this type of person is that if you accidentally get in their way while they are going hell for leather is they may clobber ya. You know whats coming....so I wife-ily delivered some food to him in the garage the other day, whilst he worked on a vintage car he's got and as I walked past he dropped a diff(a huge metal thing that goes in a car....) on my foot and then blamed me for doing it. Admittedly I am generally a clumsy type of person; but this is no reason to assume I did anything on this occasion. I was left with a huge bruise and no apology. Some kind words followed that interaction!

Also I have gotten used to being blamed for error. If something is scratched or broken he enquires loudly 'what happened here', or 'what did you run into', or 'when did you do this'....its a lot of pressure. The one advantage to having children is that there is always someone else to blame, so that even if I have had a blunder I can avoid a frown in my direction by claiming one of the tiny savages did it....and they are far too cute to punish.

Mr Xtreme does gives everything 150 per cent. Unfortunately his effort doesn't always giveback the same joy. In fact he has nicknamed himself 'Luckless'; Which provides me with quite a lot of humour when it doesn't bring me to tears. Something that should only be a simple task often becomes disastrously tricky. If he has any sort of accident it is never small, it will be tragic.

This is probably because he embarks on grand feats. I am never surprised to peer out one of our windows and see him sawing a car in half, or scaling a ladder with leg in plaster, or finding him tied to a 10m tree with chainsaw in hand....I'm not always pleased, but I am never shocked. I have also just realised that 14 month old savage is going to take after clever daddy. I walked in to see him sitting on top of the bar fridge the other day....he only just learnt to walk. Resembling a small hulk like creature he scales any obstacle and wrecks anything in his path.

Quick healthy Breaky ideas for hyperactive sugar loving savages

Simple and definitely been done before ....but a fave in our house. I puree dates and dried apricots after soaking in hot water and freeze in ice cube trays. Cover with a plastic bag.  When faced with morning hell at our place, I pop one out of the freezer in with the oats or weetbix, water microwave for a  minute then a splash of milk on top, and the savages inhale it. No sugar needed. Also works great with banana and yoghurt mixed together for a snack.

I've done some research.....confirmed: I am going crazy!

So its groundhog day again.
This week just feels that way.
Something to do with two kids being hard work all at once. I mean usually one of ya kids is hardwork and the other is cruising. This week I've turned a corner - they are both draining my creative mother energy sources.
So I decided - lets get outta the house. 'Cause sometimes that does work and the fresh air and change of scenery does wonders for everyones mood. I pack the car with the bike, skates and pram and head for the closest park with a long paved track.

Out I ge t- all going well.  I get out MY skates....yes inline skates, better known as rollerblades. (This is where you'll start to realise I've lost my marbles or I am having a midlife crisis....)Found them in the garden shed last weekend and washed the mould off them after 6 years of storage. Yes - six years since I hopped on a pair of skates. Maybe they were cool back then....hmmmm.

The baby in pram, preschooler in fine form on bicycle, mum on skates, off we go. 

I didn't consider what a sight I was, as I was concentrating on the large kangaroos and little pack of wallabies that gathered like furry statues to examine our display ( I also was wearing my highly fashionable hot pink jeans). Busily daydreaming about what I would do if they decided to pick a fight with crazy lady on skates; and being quietly impressed with my own ability to stay upright (I have to say it was bloody fun). Until - a gripping scream from 4 year old savage in tow, snapped me back to reality. Back tyre on her bike has finally split open after months of horrific abuse, and is completely flat - rendering bike useless! She is broken. Wants it fixed NOW! Ooh.... I would say I was three minutes into our enjoyable excursion when this occurred. So I am determined to keep going after all the preparation. I tell her to dump the bike and run beside the pram and the crazy women in pink jeans "'cause we ain't stopping now"....hyperventilating she grabs hold of the pram and start bolting along side.
Imagine the sight I was .....
Eventually poor four year old plants her tired bum on the side of the track and says "I'll just watch", to which I reply" excellent I have a few more laps to go"....
The wallabies were amazed!
I checked this story with some close girlfriends who asked "what was I thinking hopping on a pair of skates and dragging my children too and fro...?"It's offical I have gone mad. But this is what "Getting some ME time" has become in our house!

No one was permanently injured on this excursion.

Madness?

Mud pies

It was a lovely sunny day. So I thought - 'the savages are playing so nicely with that pot plant of dirt - I'll just head off around the garden and water some plants, give a friend a phone call.

Everyone is happy.

They say kids should play in the dirt more these days...you know germs and building your immunity. I always played in the mud as a child....

This is what happened...


It ended up absolutely everywhere -the pictures don't really do it justice ....

What joy this brought the little savages - so happy with themselves. There were mud pies, mud kitchens, mud bridges, mud seats and tables, every toy had a mud baptism, including some unrecognisable teddies, a quilt and beanbag. Even the tiny savage was black from head to toe....

The best part was - I didn't hear a peep from them. No squabbling or crying - just sheer joy. I discovered them early but didn't want to interrupt their creativity. Finally it'd been a good hour and a half, and  they were spent!

Little savage fell asleep with head in my lap. Medium savage couldn't stop smiling. We also had fun bathtime in a tub in the sun. So successful day all in all, and it didn't cost a cent.

Its fine. Afraid of what the Big Savage might do when he got home and saw the back deck I hosed everything down....before they walked in inside and through the house AGAIN (yes they did it already). Vacuum time again...C'est la vie.

when did child rearing become a sport.....

I have small children, so like many new parents I worry endlessly about what I'm feeding them, how I'm disciplining them, whether they'll be successful at something, anything, if they'll be happy or stilll moaning incessantly when they're eighteen like they do some days now at aged four. I'm not sure if its more a female past time, beating ourselves up trying to get everything right; or if its a social pressure we face more so these days than in previous eras. Parenting and worrying often go together but what's a healthy amount of concern, and what is beyond our control? What is too much pressure?

Two things come to mind, one was a documentary about twins that I watched. They studied them to see if they made decisions the same and turned out the same. It was interesting that twins who had been raised apart in different homes often ended up remarkably similar, despite different socialising and environmental factors. Things as minute as a mole on the face even appeared in the same place on the face of twin adults, regardless of sun exposure etc. This got me thinking that maybe our daily worrying and fusing over things has really not much effect in the long run.

Another article I read the other day was by a woman whose children had survived her raising them and were now adults in the world doing their own thing. She said some were successful, some weren't.  But she felt satisfied she had done the best she could working and raising them, juggling all the pressures we face. Whilst many friends she had who had been full time stay at home mums were experiencing bitterness and resentment at their grown kids who were out in the world making a bungled up mess of their lives, because these women believed that by investing so much personal time and energy, then their children should end up being more successful and well adjusted, purely because they had such devoted parenting.

All this leaves me wondering if we just followed our maternal instincts more and compared less to one another, we'd  feel content with our role, and tackle more in our personal lives. For a lot of what we do it seems to me, is feel guilty that our children will suffer as a result of our choices, rather than just being an example of a unapologetic strong healthy capable female. Maybe my little savages will be scarred by some of my imperfect upbringing, that seems good at the time, but hopefully I will have raised them so they feel they can work through issues and push past obstacles, making the best of the gifts they have. I hope I don't end up blaming them for squashed dreams or missed opportunites, but rather in years to come as they grow more independent, I risk having a go at some great new challenges and show them I have lots of abilities as a mum, juggling things, and teaching them about sacrifice, adjustments and sharing responsibilty.

"I'm a woman hear me roar!"....ooh I've gotten on my soapbox today.....if we feel such pressure to produce success in our offspring how must it make our kids feel? Should we ease up on perfection and spend more time laughing? More ethics, less success?

Supermum - something I mastered in my spare time...